I have never been so angry. Frothing, unbridled rage burrows into me. I am angry, hating, loathing my own principles of leading a life. I believed in minimal efforts to get as far as possible. I'm drowning in my own cavern of lies, every day spitting to deepen this monumental karst hole, binging on vanity and self-deception. Wanting to be good at everything, I'm failing at things that matter most, still telling myself that I can pick myself up due to sheer, stupid pride. Need to put some reigns on myself, punish myself. How vain am I to not want to enforce simple restrictions when I've succumbed to the most obvious of temptations. Only an idiot thinks himself capable of more than his fellows because of a few effortless successes, and I am he.
Here I am trying to 'channel' my anger into a safe medium when I am so close to just breaking this computer with a hammer I conveniently have so very close. I tell myself I am cut out for it all, and now the taunting voice goes, "where are the results?" And where are the results indeed. Must end this charade, I'm a broken tool with a superiority complex.
